How ironic it is that on my last day in California, my dearest friend, Carolyn passed away.

But let me back up… About four months ago when I was planning this trip, I begged my dear friend Carolyn to come with me. You see – she always dreamed of seeing California.

Wait – I didn’t go back far enough…. Six years ago I started a new position in a new city. A city only six months prior I had unexpectedly moved to, and I was so beyond homesick. Like it was meant to be, I met Carolyn a couple of days into this new position, and a friendship began. Carolyn instantly scooped me up and made sure I knew I had a friend if I wanted one. We had an unusually mild February that winter, and so we would often lunch in the plaza together learning more and more about each other.  I was surprised to learn her oldest boy was not much younger than me (I still don’t believe it… She looked the same age as me! She literally doesn’t age.).

I don’t exactly know when she became my family, but it happened fast and I couldn’t have wished for a better addition. We were invited to family birthday parties. I tutored her son in Trigonometry. She drove three and a half hours to attend Kevin and I’s wedding 💚

And when she was diagnosed with cancer, I did everything I could to make life easier for her.  For years, she was my stand in motherly role, because I was so far away from my mom, and so I gladly stepped into that role for her when she needed it. When she needed days off, I would cover for her. When she wasn’t able to cook, I delivered meals to her. When people bothered her about anything, I made sure she was left alone.

The day she texted me that she was in remission was the best feeling ever. For a year, she was able to go back to normal life. But cancer is merciless, and it metastasizes, and it never gives up. So we were back at it again… Carolyn was strong and determined, and she had a heck of a support team by her side. We were going to figure out the new normal and adjust.

Two years ago she had a really bad downturn. I thought I was losing her then. But she pulled through and slowly found a new normal, again. 

That’s when Kevin and I talked a lot about how to get her to California, but she would never allow us to just outright buy a ticket for her. Hindsight is always 20/20, and so in hindsight, I should have just made it happen then. I should have surprised her. I should have bought the ticket.

Fast forward, about four months ago, I discovered I had a reason to go to San Diego for work and began talking to Carolyn about coming with me. We could take a couple extra days off to explore LA and Hollywood. It would be a trip of a lifetime for both of us. Who wouldn’t want to spend a week in California with a best friend?  We talked about it a lot, but she ultimately decided not to go. She had another trip planned, so maybe we could go together next year.

All the cliches come rushing to you now, don’t they? “Live every day like it’s your last.” “Don’t put off tomorrow for what you could do today.” “Tomorrow isn’t promised.”

Five days ago I flew to California without Carolyn. Even if she had agreed four months ago, she wouldn’t have been strong enough to make this journey with me.

Yesterday I heard her voice for the very last time, and I knew my sweet friend didn’t have much time. I told her I loved her, and I woke up to the message I never wanted to receive.

Anyone that met her knew she was already an angel sent to Earth, and now she is home flying with all the other angels.

Today I say goodbye to California and say until we meet again to Carolyn.  I’ve never known a more beautiful soul, and I will forever be changed by knowing her. With tears in my eyes and a heart broken in a thousand pieces, I know I have the most beautiful angel by my side always. Fly high, sweet Carolyn. Fly high.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚