Dear Carolyn

May 09, 2020  •  Leave a Comment

Dear Carolyn:

How has it been two years?  Can you believe it?  I miss you.  It feels like a lifetime ago that I've heard your sweet voice, yet at the same time, it feels like yesterday.  I have so many things I wish I could have shared with you - so many adventures we could have had together - so many laughs and hugs - so much dancing.

Instead we were forced to go different ways --

  • Your path brought you to healing.  You were hurting in ways that nothing on earth could cure.  I wasn't ready, but I know that you were.
  • My path started in the opposite direction. Grieving. Unbelievable sadness. A search for something different. A new start away from the life I once knew. 


Thankfully our paths rejoined.  I was lost for a while, but I found you again. 

I've actually been thinking about that moment a lot lately -- do you remember it? Of course you do, you were there.  It was just over a year ago in [Dublin] ...

You always knew when I needed you the most, and I know that is why you showed up on the bridge that day.  I didn't realised it then, but you knew exactly what you were doing.  You always had a magical intuition about you that continues to surprise me. 

While you and I both know that I struggle with the concept of religion, you never wavered which is how you showed me [faith] and signs are real. So seeing your light on the bridge -- I can't explain it -- the only word that seems sufficient is peacefulness. 

I felt at peace.

I felt my heart moving from grieving to healing. 

Out of all the sadness the last year held, my life changed course because of it.  I knew that then, but more than ever, it felt like the plan all along instead of a reaction to something sad. And now, every time I see the Ma'Penny bridge in person or in photos, I stop for a while because my heart feels at peace.

So this past year was dedicated to healing, growing, learning.  Regardless, I still wish I could pick up the phone to call you, or send you a funny pin on Pinterest, or show up at your door step with a plate of brownies for a girls night in.

I can't believe it's been [two years].  

I miss you. I love you. Always.

Love,
Jessica


 


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